THE BITTER TRUTH:GRIEF

“Sometimes only one person is missing and the whole world seems depopulated. ”                                                                              

  -Alphonse De Lemartine

The second wave of the pandemic was almost over, life was slowly coming back to its normalcy. But for Himani, nothing was the same. Her life came to a pause after the tide of this deadly wave. Himani and Ashutosh were soulmates for the last 15yrs and had a small, beautiful family, blessed with two kids. The last two months were very disturbing worldwide and never could Himani think in her farthest that despite following all safety norms it could hit her household. In a week, the virus took away her soulmate. Himani was shocked and shattered. It seemed that her whole life fell like a pack of cards. Everything happened so quickly that she could not even understand or absorb the mishap. Ashutosh left for the next journey of his life, leaving her alone to fight the battle of the cruel world. She is still in shock and denial about his sudden demise. It is now almost two months, the life has slowly started moving on its track and even she is gradually recuperating, coming to real terms of life, even though her heart cries in pain and anguish for his absence. A very tough time like Himani many among us are struggling with the most painful phase of life in this pandemic times. Grief, a natural response to a loss of something (job/business/financial, etc.) or someone in life. There have many such tragedies that have happened around us. It is one of the darkest times of humanity wherein many families have lost their loved ones to the virus. It has knocked on the door of every household worldwide. Its impact is multidimensional. Though the departure of loved ones being severe.

Pandemic has changed the lives forever for many, the damage is insurmountable. It has created chaos in our lives and emotions and has made a void that will never fill. Today in some of the other ways we all are grieving irrespective of age or gender. It is a test of time for all of us. As a community, we all need to stand together and shoulder the responsibility of managing the varied emotional pain that many among us are undergoing. Everything happened so fast in the second wave that there has been no time or a minimal time to process the loss. It has isolated all of us. But dealing with grief and giving expression to it is very important. Suppression of pain can lead to many psychosomatic illnesses like depression, anxiety, body aches and pain, numbness, etc. Grieving happens with its own time and pace. It is like a journey where we all will have a unique and different experience. No two people share similar grief. The suffering in pain depends on the relation and closeness that you shared with the person who has left for heavenly abode. The cycle of grief starts initially with a denial or shock, confusion, and fear. Several questions surface in the mind and maybe a tussle between thoughts and emotions that could range from anger to sadness, frustration to numbness, anxiety to uneasiness, or guilt to blame. Many a time we even try to bargain with the situation, making stories to convince and console ourselves, that the loss may revert but unfortunately it never happens. It is just an inner talk to calm the anxious thoughts. The turmoil of emotions gradually makes one move towards the acceptance of hard reality, though it is no time-specific. This is the point from where healing starts, acknowledging and accepting emotions paves the way towards it. Like, Himani was not only struggling with herself but also with people around, they were all rushing her to settle down and move on and take charge of as much as she can, though they were doing it in good intent. But they failed to empathize with her. She was trying her best to cope yet was broken from inside. Her frequent mood swings were showing it all. Grief is very stressful, and emotions are felt like a rollercoaster ride. The emotional pain that many of us are experiencing is difficult to comprehend but there are few things that we can do surely to help the process of grieving a little smoother. The person at loss is already facing stormy emotions, at that time they need constant care and shadow of friends and family where he/she can get a cushion to cry out and express their sorrow. We should try to give them an emotional blanket of care and love, so that they feel safe and the desired time to recover. We need to accommodate their state of mind and the battle they are fighting within themselves. Life alters when we lose our loved ones, it is like rebuilding and remaking a life without them. A harder fact but a new reality. Holding each other hands and shouldering them in their daily chores can help in the healing of the grieving person. Being around and demonstrating the care for the person can give them the comfort and security and a message that they are not alone. It will eventually redirect them adopt the new norm of life though painful. Also, igniting the flame of self compassion will give courage and hope to move forward. Though grief will remain forever in the heart but will get gentler with time, the memories of their loved ones will always be cherished and will remain an inspiration and strength in new life to come. Grieving is not a linear experience, there will be ups and downs and, time is the healer. So let us try and understand their suffering and try to help them build resilience and confidence by being with them emotionally; weaving a net of love and affection, giving them their space and time before they move towards the other horizon of life.

“ When a river of tears and a load of grief keep on flowing from a mountain of broken trust, feelings may relentlessly besiege the stronghold of our flesh. Only a timely adjustment with our mental compass can shore up confidence, resilience; and reliance. (“Taken for a ride”)”
― Erik Pevernagie