“Every relationship has a hard part at the beginning. This is our hard part. It’s not like a puzzle piece where there’s an instant fit. With relationships you have to shape the pieces on each end before they go perfectly together.”
– David Levithan
Amrita and Neera were very close friends. They had been together ever since they started their school. Both also got married in the span of a month. They were meeting for the first time after their marriage. Amrita was cheerful and blushing while Neera looked frown and irritated. They had different experiences to share, though both were facing similar challenges but Amrita was trying and managing the hiccups and was happy with it, on the other hand, Neera felt that her life is now full of thorns and all roses have been shed. She was disappointed and angry with herself and her family. It was almost four months of marriage, but she could not find a single breather for herself in the new family. She was in constant tussle. In the process, her health and mental peace were affected. Most of the times she felt low in energy and that was affecting her relationship with the spouse as well. She was puzzled and under a constant turmoil about her new relations in the extended family. The point to ponder is why the new associations after the marriage start loosening even before they are grounded?? What goes a miss??
We all understand that life is synonymous to relations and relations to expectations. The expectations that we keep for each other in said and unsaid words. When an association happens, the families involved together undergo a transition. A transition that will not only rope in new addition/member in the family but also the new thoughts, values, culture, and ideas. It is about the association of two individual entities as well as the union of two families. The mindset of two families joining hands in hands. The changes are bound to come. Both the family and the new addition (member) sail in the same boat. Though, it is equally tough for both the sides to understand and adapt to the changes that come with the new member/family. It is just like learning to solve a rubric cube puzzle. Learning to unpuzzle takes time. We must let go off many inhibitions and barriers. Somehow, we all are reluctant to the changes that come on the way and keep ourselves intrigued with the past or making comparisons. We need to realise that for creating our own space we need to invest, in terms of time and open ourselves to different perspectives. However, we tend to stick to our narrow approach and follow a mindset, i.e., expecting the desired results and, absence of it results in disappointment and friction right in the start. Thereby making our relations complex where we refuse to revisit our own thought process and resist change. The change that may not be comforting, and may deter us to appreciate the other side. Gradually, weaving a web around and making it trickier to understand and handle the relationships.
The refusal to accept the changes results in conflicts and hinders us from looking to the brighter side of the change. The non- acceptance not only inflict self- hurt but also affects the people around. We lose peace of mind in trying to gain some joys; the joys that are defined from the perception that we hold, the expectations that we carry. But we forget that it is reciprocal, the feelings and emotions are similar on both sides.
Balancing relations in the extended family is like balancing on a rope, your spouse in the middle and you on one side and on the other side is his/her extended family. On the humorous side, we can also consider that extended family is like a delicacy of mix vegetable with all members symbolising different vegetables with their own unique and distinct flavour and yet important in the recipe. Similarly, all the members are important in a family with their own identity and approach towards their life and relationships. It is just about mixing together and making it yummy with spices of emotions and feelings…… So it means, your spouse, you and the families have to mix together to get a new flavour or its like setting a vision for new goals in relationship to make happy and healthy time for all in most of the times. But somehow when aroma of one spice dominates, problems may arise. It takes a balanced mix of spices to generate the needed fervour in a delicacy, similarly for relationship to thrive it is critical to give space to every point of view of all family members. The restriction in the vision from both ends mounts up the anxiety and insecurities leading to differences. The barriers obstruct the transparency, and our actions start reflecting our thought process.
So, it is important to look out for the vision that we set in a relationship. The vision will automatically mould our actions. The actions that may deter or strengthen a relationship. The vision that will bring happiness or disappointments. Let us check on our vision for a relationship first!!!
“Relationship is about two things: First appreciating the similarities and second, respecting the differences”
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