What Will People Say??

Self-esteem is made up primarily of two things: feeling lovable and feeling capable.                  

  -Jack Canfield

Recently while surfing the stories, I came across one very interesting story about a tribal community. That narrative was an eye opener and a sudden realisation of compassion and a deep understanding of complex human behaviour from the people that are far away from today’s civilised world. A sheer amazing thing to take lessons on the feelings and emotions of human psychology. Their belief in helping in restoring and gracing the self-integrity of their member in their low times is much appreciated. Life is a cycle of highs and lows. Sometimes facing those challenges can make one perplexed and disoriented in mind and behaviour. It is the time when one needs anchoring and guidance from its own people, and this is what that tribal community do to guide and hold the person in the thin times of life. Instead of labelling or punishing or isolating, their approach is to empathetically support and make them introspect and rehabilitate the self-respect and confidence. The key people of community and relatives of the person gather and discuss the problems in detail and acknowlwdge and create a plan about how to work . Then all the elder and wise people of the tribe sit around that person and take turns to count on and appreciate his good deeds and his past achievements. An aura of positivity is created around that person so that he feels motivated, encouraged, and supported in those low phases of life. This confidence-building exercise is done for many days. They try to strengthen his life skills like critical thinking, coping with stress or emotional management. This reinforcing technique helps in self-realisation and managing overwhelming negative emotions. Speaking positive and reassuring words is their spiritual way of helping the person recover and heal and move forward in life. The tribe believes that in the battle of life there are times when we may fall prey to our circumstances and do certain action/ behaviour which is deviant or non-conforming. So, it is their duty and responsibility to guide and redirect that person in the right direction and ensure to uplift them and make them feel secure and give courage to face difficult times wisely. Their deep understanding of behaviour and their way of strengthening the seeds of fortitude and self-respect back in that person in the toughest of times is a commendable example to learn from. They stand rock strong with the member and with patience channelise it. This approach is the reflection of their maturity, respect, and care towards the individual and for the betterment of their community at large.


Their ideology is that every life on this earth is a pure soul and has no intention to hurt or harm someone. The situations in life may trigger the responses or actions that may sway a person to move in the course that might be detrimental to their life and to the people associated with them. But one should not feel left out, instead, it is the time they need support from their people to help them regain the self-confidence and assurance they lose in the struggling time. A reinforcement of confronting and uplifting the person when he makes wrong deeds. A very inspiring way of holding and anchoring a person by its own people. The people that may be not as advanced in technology as we are but the ones that have far better emotional intelligence.

On the contrary, in our developing society rarely do we get such support, rather the pressure of the statement “WHAT WILL PEOPLE SAY??” is more threatening and fearful to cloud the distressing mind further. Ironically the people that we talk about are the ones that we have no idea about. Unknown people become the navigators of our life and decisions. The lack of support and censoring true feelings is often seen, the conditioning of our thoughts is made in a way that validation from the outside is more important than what you believe in. There is more judgement and hypocrisy. Truthful and wise people are hard to find. Labelling and tags are soon attached. The burden of others’ expectations turns it further challenging both mentally and physically, creating a pool of anxiety and apprehension. Shouldn’t our society mould us according to our individuality and respect it instead of blocking the growth in terms of our self-esteem and self-worth.  These days there is a sharp rise in the cases of anxiety and addiction. Both are the by-products of our non-acceptance. It is a tug of war of the conflicts between Self Vs approval by others and doubts about the consequences. Openness and a big heart to listen and voice is a miss. Probably this is one of the forefront reasons behind the increase in mental health challenges in recent times. Our culture dissuades people that are non-confirming to the societal norms. Even though our society is progressing, modernisation and artificial intelligence are reaching their peak but the emotions like empathy, understanding, and compatibility are getting extinct. We constantly look for motivation from outside and lack the confidence to move in new directions.

Life is a constant battle of situations and emotions, and family and friends are like pillars in the toughest time. The tribal people are a real inspiration and a admirable example, about hand holding and helping one overcome the hard times, and rise and shine with new beliefs and perceptions of self. So, let us enrich ourselves with the wisdom of tribal community.

With the realisation of one’s own potential and self-confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world. – Dalai Lama

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