TO STOP THE MENACE OF BULLYING: LET’S UNDERSTAND IT

“People say sticks and stones may break your bones, but names can never hurt you, but that’s not true. Words can hurt. They hurt me. Things were said to me that I still haven’t forgotten.” –Demi Lovato

Amrita, 36yrs was quiet upset. From last few weeks whenever she came back home after a long day at office, she felt very tired and low in energy. While sipping a cuppa coffee at home in evening she use to review her day, and realised that since her new manager has joined things have become pretty difficult at her workplace. Manager had been very critical about her work and talks rudely, it happened often.

Raghu, 12yrs, looked depressed and sad after coming from school. On lot of prompting the mother realised that he was teased by his classmates for his short height. He gradually became anxious in moving out of home and was very reluctant in going to school.

Rama, 30yrs., was a home maker and was well settled in a joint family. She was feeling low and irritated from last few days and her husband was quite worried about it. He observed it and realised that his grandmother was not appreciative of any of her work rather pointed out some or other flaw in work. This was making her sad and declining self-confidence.

In all the above cases, Amrita, Rama and Raghu have been a target of someone’s hurting and controlling behaviour. It could be at home, office or school. We all in some time of our life have a brush with such type of behaviour. This is Bullying. One can be bullied at any stage of life irrespective of place and time.  

It is a form of aggression that is repetitive and is deliberately performed to hurt and control another person. The hurt can be physical, emotional, mental or verbal. It is not necessarily to be loud or overt. Silent bullying effectively ridicules and shames. Bullies can be parents, siblings, classmates, teachers, teammates, coaches, colleagues and bosses. Children can also bully parents.

“I found one day in school a boy of medium size ill-treating a smaller boy. I expostulated, but he replied: ‘The bigs hit me, so I hit the babies; that’s fair.’ In these words, he epitomized the history of the human race.”

Bullies are made and not born. Research has shown that if aggression in young children is not handled consistently during developing years, they are more likely to develop bullying behaviour in later life. It also states that those who bullies are at greater risk of substance abuse, have poor performance in school/ college and perceive things more in pessimistic way and prone to psychiatric illness and at times may also engage in criminal activities.

Bullying behaviour can be very damaging for the victim, at times can leave a lifelong damage in their life.

Why People Bully?

It is very important to understand the reason behind Bullying behaviour. Generally, the people that bully are the ones that are bullied by their own emotions. They pick the target for some specific reasons may be in race, sexuality, disability or anything else and try to create an image of ultra-confidence in front of the victim. They perform a shopping process to identify a weak and subdued character as their victim. For e.g. generally in families we see there are few people who are always finding faults in other’s action or behaviour or like many a times we come across people that are short tempered and gets aggressive even at a slightest disagreement. These behaviours can be categorised as bullying behaviour. Why few people are always fault finders or rude to others?

Let’s understand the psyche of a person behind the bullying behaviour, it will help to handle them in a better way. They are the people that,  

• lack prosocial behavioural skills.
• lack in empathy skills.
• have their own deep insecurities.
• have inferiority complex about something
• have a feeling of jealousy
• have been victim of bully themselves
• have suppressed anger/ frustration
• have fragile self- esteem
• Vulnerable to slight criticism, and
• feels weak and powerless in expressing in managing their emotions

They feel better or rewarded when they make the other person feel hurt or victimised. They show their dominance or power on those that appear to be weak or timid. They feel gratified when they see their victim depressed or anxious. Bullies exist when they have victims. Let’s not victimize ourselves. It is important to handle bullying behaviour by focussing on the effective ways to handle them,

• Act quickly, stop the behaviour the very first time it occurs, don’t ignore
• Stay confident and calm when a bully ridicule you.
• Be assertive and talk in simple words without engaging any of your emotions (anger, crying, shouting etc.) in it.
• Never exchange hostilities with the bully instead it is better to talk when iron is cold.
• In case of a child, stay connected with him and talk without judgements.
• Be consistent and firm in talking to bully
• Talk it out to a friend or near dear one or may take a professional help.

Bullying is a serious problem and should be dealt intelligently else it can pose serious threat to one’s self- esteem, and confidence. If you are struggling with a bully reach out for a help don’t hesitate.

“People who repeatedly attack your confidence and self-esteem are quite aware of your potential, even if you are not.”