To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
— Lewis B. Smedes
Suditi was very sad these days, recently she was fired from her job. She was still blank and could not absorb what all happened. Anxiety, sadness, heaviness was all what she was experiencing from that day, there were lot of questions popping in her mind and repeatedly the things were coming as if a cycle of thoughts she could not stop. It was very unfortunate and literally she had nightmares about the series of events that happened before her exit. It was difficult to get over with the thought how few of her colleagues played game with her. Their faces were constantly revolving around and deepening her misery. Repeatedly a question was rising Why Me? Anger and melancholy were the only two things clouding her mind. And one sentence that was coming repeatedly, was “Why they did this to me, I will never forgive them”. More than the financial loss, it was the loss of her confidence, trust, and peace of mind. This is one share but all of us have similar experiences where we come across situations like breach of trust, a separation, or a loss of loved one or any tragedy or accident and we are surrounded by uncertainties and a feeling of non-forgiveness for those whom we feel are responsible for our present state. These heart-breaking incidents completely shake us just like an earthquake and leave with its devastating aftereffects, emotionally, physically, and mentally, at times financially too. The wounds they give are difficult to heal. They put us in a state where we start doubting everyone even own self. The void they create gets filled up with negativity and resentment towards others whom we feel are responsible.
The bitterness they develop linger for years and acts like a slow poison in the mind and body. These feeling of pain and heaviness are powerful enough to bring in medical conditions that may turn quiet serious or chronic and emotionally they don’t let the person move on. The void is lifelong. But the life moves on, it never stops, only the perceptions change. It is a challenge to get over with these painful feelings and memories as at any time they have the power to dominate mind with extreme sadness and pain. Despite knowing the disastrous effect of it we keep that heaviness and hurts in heart. These conflicts always put us in the mode of unhappiness, cribbing and dissatisfaction.
But there is one way that we can heal, its FORGIVE, those whom we feel responsible for our misery. Forgiveness brings serenity to pacify the waves of disturbing emotions and the conflicts developed within. But the process of forgiving or resettling calmness’ is not as simple as it sounds. The scars remain in the minds of victim years after years. The process of healing is very slow.
It is a courageous act to assemble the scattered fragments and reconcile with the unwanted and unexpected changes. The truth is when such life shattering incidents happen, we remain in the denial mode. There is a non- acceptance of the truth, believing the reality of the unfortunate is too tough. “It cannot happen with me”, that is what one mutters. The non-acceptance is accompanied with lots of anger towards people around, and even the anger is towards Almighty too for people that are pious. With ferocity there is even a tendency of bargaining, a self- talk which is the expression of all bitterness and complaints and a blame game starts in the inner world of that person. This is toughest phase when one has to gather the inner strength and face the situation. The overpowering negative thoughts, loneliness, sadness, and disheartening feeling all rule the mind and heart. In these testing times, the loved ones and true friends strengthen and support to bear the negativity and low confidence feeling that has cropped in. They stand rock strong and helps in rebooting life. Once the life starts coming on track the phase of Acceptance comes, the start of HEALING.
In the journey of Healing, anger, frustration, sadness, anxiety, and other such emotions are the foes with whom we have to make friends. They make the journey a roller coaster ride but gradually they turn out to be the companions that help to restore positive thinking, self- esteem, confidence and a sense of hope. It is all in our hands, how sooner we want to get off with it and enter an optimistic phase of life. Forgiveness is charismatic can fill life with self -compassion, empathy and optimism. It is the point when we no longer feel ourselves in a pitiable state and empowered to look at the brighter perspective of life. Forgiving is a voluntary and a process of mental strength. But it is the only process to bring peace within oneself and to progress for a better life.
Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. — Mark Twain
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